Santa Claus's work shop has been under surveillance from US spy satellites ever since President Bush demanded new toys to play with.

"I haven't decided that yet. If the Scots would just hand over the monster, such drastic measures wouldn't be necessary," he explained. "As far as occupying Santa Claus's home base, I could use a new GI Joe action figure. Mine's all worn out."

Colin Powell visited the UN over the weekend with startling satellite images of what are believed to be Santa's workshops.

"If you look right here you can plainly see compounds that we know beyond a shadow of a doubt are being used for the production of toys for boys and girls that have been good all year."

In one of the more dramatic moments in the presentation, Powell held up a vial of white powder.

"As little as this container full of magic dust could turn a team of ordinary reindeer into wild-eyed, flying beasts raining projectiles made to look like Chritmas gifts down the chimneys of millions of American homes."

A taped message from someone claiming to be Santa Claus was released by Al-Jazeera on Sunday. In it, the voice said that a fresh round of gift giving will occur sometime in December of this year.

The recording ended with a cryptic statement.

"I'm gonna' find out who's naughty or nice. Ho, Ho, Ho!"

Satire republished, courtesy of: http://www.freepressed.com