ISRAELIS DENY "MAZE LIKE" QUALITY OF NEW WALL
The Israeli Government has categorically denied that its new "security barrier" - that purports to protect its terriority from suicide bombers - has begun to exhibit certain "maze like" qualities.
Suspicions were aroused when the wall which was being built started to move away from the recognised border between Israel and the West Bank and began to gradually bifurcate into Haifa and major parts of Hebron. Palestinian officials had also began to notice that, although formally the wall was meant to be straight and follow the relatively unbendy border, it was becoming "seriously meandering" in its design and was veering off at odd angles - such as up and down and round and round the Golan Heights, in, out and in and out again of Janin and generally not being able to make up its mind at all in major parts of Dayr-al-Balah.
"Cheeky Wheezes"
Suspicions were further aroused when the wall was also said to be "reverting back on itself" and actually forming corridors, networks and circles at various points just outside of Jerusalem - although strangely only on the Arab side, and not the Israeli parts. Suspicions were further, further aroused when Israeli construction engineers were seen consulting Gyles Brandreth latest edition of the "Bumper Book of Architectural Conundrums and Other Cheeky Wheezes".
Speaking to the Brains Trust Palestinian spokesperson, Derek Al-Gadd, commented that, "I'm not sure but it looks to me that this wall affair is not in fact a wall but an enormous great big bloody maze. Help, has anyone seen my map?"
"West Bank"
The "maze like" wall has now been noted to have become severely labyrinthine in all parts of the besieged terriority and many Palestinians have been seen wandering up and down in a highly confused state. The spokesman for the Israeli Government, Dr Hugo Z Hackenbush commented that, "We have been looking for more humane ways of dissuading suicide bombers. Look, we are just fed up to the back teeth of the international community saying that we should deal with this problem by, oh I don't know, declaring peace, 'being a bit nicer' and not shooting dozens of Palestinians on a regular basis. So we think we have come up with a new and innovative solution." He then continued that the Government had already thought of - and rejected - various solutions such as "putting in those motion detecting water sprays for keeping cats out of your garden, signs with 'no hawkers, no traders, no suicide bombers-please" at all points along the border and getting "An Audience with Iain Duncan Smith" to tour the West Bank.
"confusing"
He continued that, "the best thing to do is to make it so confusing for everyone living there that instead of taking it twenty minutes to pop down the shop for a packet of fags it would take two years - probably accompanied by an out of work sherpa - and with no serious chance of getting anywhere at all any time soon. And as for the suicide bombers, they just wouldn't know which way to turn - literally. Bag of sweets and a large ball of string? Ta, don't mind if I do!"
"Delano"
Satire (?) from The Brains Trust. For more, please visit: http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk
The Israeli Government has categorically denied that its new "security barrier" - that purports to protect its terriority from suicide bombers - has begun to exhibit certain "maze like" qualities.
Suspicions were aroused when the wall which was being built started to move away from the recognised border between Israel and the West Bank and began to gradually bifurcate into Haifa and major parts of Hebron. Palestinian officials had also began to notice that, although formally the wall was meant to be straight and follow the relatively unbendy border, it was becoming "seriously meandering" in its design and was veering off at odd angles - such as up and down and round and round the Golan Heights, in, out and in and out again of Janin and generally not being able to make up its mind at all in major parts of Dayr-al-Balah.
"Cheeky Wheezes"
Suspicions were further aroused when the wall was also said to be "reverting back on itself" and actually forming corridors, networks and circles at various points just outside of Jerusalem - although strangely only on the Arab side, and not the Israeli parts. Suspicions were further, further aroused when Israeli construction engineers were seen consulting Gyles Brandreth latest edition of the "Bumper Book of Architectural Conundrums and Other Cheeky Wheezes".
Speaking to the Brains Trust Palestinian spokesperson, Derek Al-Gadd, commented that, "I'm not sure but it looks to me that this wall affair is not in fact a wall but an enormous great big bloody maze. Help, has anyone seen my map?"
"West Bank"
The "maze like" wall has now been noted to have become severely labyrinthine in all parts of the besieged terriority and many Palestinians have been seen wandering up and down in a highly confused state. The spokesman for the Israeli Government, Dr Hugo Z Hackenbush commented that, "We have been looking for more humane ways of dissuading suicide bombers. Look, we are just fed up to the back teeth of the international community saying that we should deal with this problem by, oh I don't know, declaring peace, 'being a bit nicer' and not shooting dozens of Palestinians on a regular basis. So we think we have come up with a new and innovative solution." He then continued that the Government had already thought of - and rejected - various solutions such as "putting in those motion detecting water sprays for keeping cats out of your garden, signs with 'no hawkers, no traders, no suicide bombers-please" at all points along the border and getting "An Audience with Iain Duncan Smith" to tour the West Bank.
"confusing"
He continued that, "the best thing to do is to make it so confusing for everyone living there that instead of taking it twenty minutes to pop down the shop for a packet of fags it would take two years - probably accompanied by an out of work sherpa - and with no serious chance of getting anywhere at all any time soon. And as for the suicide bombers, they just wouldn't know which way to turn - literally. Bag of sweets and a large ball of string? Ta, don't mind if I do!"
"Delano"
Satire (?) from The Brains Trust. For more, please visit: http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk